Stories

I once operated a second-hand shop and it was always the same questions.

Customer: That’s a nice second hand, do you have a minute hand. Me: No Mam, this is a second-hand shop, you won’t find any minute hands here. Customer: Why do you only sell the second hands, why not sell minute hands or for that matter why not include the hour hand and sell them in sets. Me: With all due respect Mam, I am servicing a niche market for people who have the hour hand and the minute hand already, or for people who just want to collect second hands. Next thing you will be asking if I sell whole clocks, in that case, I would recommend going to a clock shop. Customer: But Sir how do you make a living selling just second hands. Me: While my shop is yet to turn over a profit, I have done my research and there are second-hand shops all over, but not [ Read More ]

A Narnia Story

Chapter 1: How do we get back to Narnia There is an explosion. The kids come out of the house and smoke billows out behind them. The small kid says, ‘Sorry’, and the bigger kid says, ‘Great, you blew up the cupboard. How are we going to save the goat leg guy now?’ Chapter 2: At Fantastic Furniture The girl says, ‘You check that cupboard’, to one of the brothers and says, ‘You check that cupboard’ to another. They spend the rest of the day looking in cupboards. Chapter 3: Aragon appears Aragon appears as the other brother hops out of the last cupboard. They are all in shock. They all say roughly at the same time, ‘What are you doing here Aragon?’ Chapter 4: The truth is known ‘Children I have special powers’ Aragon says. Then one kid says, ‘That explains everything’. Chapter 5: A kind lunch with friends [ Read More ]

About Ricky N Browne

Ricky N Browne was born April 6th 1977, he has a wife and a son, three sisters, a lot of nephew’s, a few nieces and a ton of relo’s and in-laws. On Writing Ricky learned to write at school, most of his early writing was crap because like most kids he was ignorant and stupid. He had early success with a really short story called “Ricky by Ant” and later in high school for a four-page booklet called “The big note under the door”, which was thrown out by his mother as it included illustrations of a pair of mosquitos engaging in fourplay. Ricky wasn’t a good reader in his younger years and avoided it whenever possible. He read 3 or 4 novels while at school and after high school his only reading was computer magazines, he started reading regularly when he got dial-up internet. While Ricky’s writing has improved, he [ Read More ]

Timmy’s Pants

Timmy loved to sing and dance. especially in his favourite pants. These pants he wore were bright green and were a site to be seen. Timmy wore them all around, on the farm and into town, even on the football ground. One day Timmy’s pants did tear, so Timmy cut off all his hair. Timmy’s mum brought a new pair, for her little man to wear. These pants she brought were bright and new, but these pants were different, these pants were blue. Timmy said, ‘This will not do, the pants in which I sing and dance. are bright green, a sight to be seen.’ Now Timmy wears no pants at all, even at the shopping mall.  

Cake cutting speech.

Before we start proceedings, A couple of mates of mine named Jessie and Mikie have gone into the rock selling business, your welcome to come up to them after the lunch and book in an appointment, their product is world class. And for this week only you can purchase one big rock and get one little rock free. Don’t miss out. This meal is just about saying thanks to our friends and family. And to cut a 3-year-old cake. Thanks, mum for taking care of it, you did a great job of fixing it up, apparently the cake was a bit of a mess once it was defrosted. Let me begin. People have asked, what the cake represents to me? When thinking of this, I’m taken back to a time deep in the jungle of Angola where I met a young man named Nagoongoo, he held out his hand and [ Read More ]

Dance Team 4000 Monologue

Mongo: The beginning Mongo: In the beginning all I wanted to do was dance, things were important, things were always important to me, but dance, it brought it all together and that was my happy, mine. Mongo: Jazz ballet, tap, mamba, samba, cucumber, you name it, I was there, at the center. It was when I started experimenting with crumping. We did it together. but then they started getting involved with all this east coast west coast bullshit. To me that meant nothing. Mongo: I went out on my own, and that’s when it hit me. Interpretive dance, dance interpretation, interpretations in dance, it was all the same thing. Mongo: One move, one god damn move. there was no question about should or should not, just how. I was taken. Yeah, I could dance, but I wasn’t prepared, there wasn’t a book. That’s when I let him in. I couldn’t [ Read More ]

Cocky Bird Eulogy – 2013

Cocky Bird was a Sulfur Crested Cockatoo. He came into our lives through a friend who found him down by the river getting attacked by another Cockatoo, so he brought him home where he was to be lodged in my care. We later discovered that Cocky Bird suffered from a degenerative illness common to Cockatoo’s known as “Beak and Feather” disease. Due to the illness, Cocky Bird struggled to keep his feathers clean and soon went from snow white to an off white, eggshell colouring. His beak was splintered and broken like a fungicidal toenail and only got worse as time went on, as he did what all birds do to keep the beaks kept. The upshot to this was that he didn’t have much of a bite and the household furniture stayed in a reasonable condition. His tail feathers never fell out, so unlike other Cocky’s, flight never became [ Read More ]

I once operated a second hand shop and it was always the same questions.

Customer: That’s a nice second hand, do you have a minute hand. Me: No Mam, this is a second-hand shop, you won’t find any minute hands here. Customer: Why do you only sell the second hands, why not sell minute hands or for that matter why not include the hour hand and sell them in sets. Me: With all due respect Mam, I am servicing a niche market for people who have the hour hand and the minute hand already, or for people who just want to collect second hands. Next thing you will be asking if I sell whole clocks, in that case, I would recommend going to a clock shop. Customer: But Sir how do you make a living selling just second hands. Me: While my shop is yet to turn over a profit, I have done my research and there are second-hand shops all over, but not [ Read More ]