I’ve got this one Facebook friend who is always spouting ideas on how to make a better society. Most of these are these too simplistic, For example, the idea of getting rid of all money or making everybody live on the same amount of money.
When I first started thinking about what would constitute a better Society I also thought in simplistic terms. Usually with the idea that a certain subset of society was holding us back for their own benefit. This may be in some parts true. But it’s a huge generalization.
Societies aren’t perfect because perfection isn’t real. There always is and always will be a struggle. Struggle is a function of existence. Avoidance of struggle only leads to suffering. Tyrannies spring up out of the idea that a perfect society can be created. It cannot.
And while it is good to look to reducing inequality, inequality will always exist. There will always be haves and there will always be have-nots.
There was a time when if somebody slighted me I would go on the defence and my ego would puff up, I would become arrogant and smug. I would go to war with them in my head. Not to destroy or undermine my attacker, but to prove them wrong on an intellectual level. Bolstering all my reasoning on attacking the opponents POV and affirming my own. I’d have arguments in my head. My mind was at war with those who saw me as less than I was willing to see myself.
The cause of this was low self-esteem. I wanted people to see me as I saw myself. There were two problems with this, how I saw myself was not based on reality. And I was looking for external affirmation on who I was, my standing, my values and what I was about.
As I puffed up I’d become more insular and isolated and in a state of internal and external struggle, until my ego would pop either because I realised my internal narrative was incongruent with reality or the weight of my delusion got too heavy. I’m not 100% sure why my bubble would burst but it always did after weeks or even months of self-righteousness.
The aftermath was that I’d collapse in a heap and spend the next week or so in a rut feeling weak, sorry, silly, wrong, and humbled, not being able to function. I’d slowly get back to normal but before too long something or someone would trigger me and I’d start to puff up again, creating a new cycle.
This was my reality for a long time. Now things are different and while I’m not sure about what part of my recovery changed me. The fact is I am changed. Part 2 coming soon.
I’ve been using modafinil on and off for a couple of years now. I am able to get a prescription for it because I have sleep apnea. I find it hard to focus for long periods on any one task, but I find that when I need to get a lot of work done I can take a tablet and be able to stay on task longer than without the tablet. I don’t take them every day because I can only get thirty at a time and they are not cheap as they are not covered by the PBS in Australia.
I have considered buying them from overseas where I can buy them in larger quantities and with a higher dosage. Even if I was to find that the larger dose was unnecessary I could cut them in half and double the lifespan of the packet. Unfortunately, it seems you can only buy them overseas using cryptocurrency which at this stage has a bit of learning curve involved in using it. So thus far I haven’t tried to source them outside of Australia. Modafinil is probably not for everyone and the government has restrictions on usage, but it does seem to work for me, especially when I want to spend time writing or working on tasks where I want my brain firing on all four cylinders.
Today I learnt about the 20-second rule by Eric Barker. The idea is to reduce barriers to regular habits as to ensure you can start them in under 20 seconds. He gives the example of wanting to play the guitar. But to play his guitar he had to remove it from the cupboard then remove it from its case which took 20 seconds. He then took the batteries out of his remote and put them in a cupboard in the kitchen.
This created a barrier to him watching TV as it would take more than 20 seconds to put the batteries in the remote. So the next time he sat down to watch TV he realised that he couldn’t easily switch the TV on, so he decided to pick up the guitar which he had placed in the lounge room on a guitar stand. Soon started spending more time playing guitar and less time watching TV. If you want to get something done reduce the start time and you will be less likely to procrastinate and find something easier to do.
Being real means showing who you are, not what you think what others want you to be. Being real means being in the moment without trying to impress. Being real means being vulnerable. Being real means telling it how it is.