My life was a struggle, I was a mess.

Someone told me I should learn more about positive psychology, I asked them whether they’d seen it in a dream, and they said that really smart people worked out what makes people happy. I said I don’t trust smart people, they are too smart, they could trick me. So I consulted a Tarot reader. My life is still a mess, but now I also know Tarot, and this morning I told my neighbour she would leave her husband for another man.

Does anyone know any good cures for cramps? I heard from my psychic healer friend that licorice was good, so I ate a ton of the shit. I haven’t been to the toilet in three days. Id sue her for malpractice but she read my future and said if I went down that path Id die a horrible death.

My life was a struggle, I was a mess.

Someone told me I should learn more about positive psychology, I asked them whether they’d seen it in a dream, and they said that really smart people worked out what makes people happy. I said I don’t trust smart people, they are too smart, they could trick me. So I consulted a Tarot reader. My life is still a mess, but now I also know Tarot, and this morning I told my neighbour she would leave her husband for another man.

Which Christian are you?

Scenario: Person is exhibiting erratic behaviour and experiencing signs of
mental illness.

Level 1 Christian: This person needs professional help by people who understand principles that have been discovered through scientific inquiry. Their faith will help them get through it.

Level 2 Christian: This person needs professional help by people who understand principles that have been discovered through scientific inquiry. In principle But secretly they are lacking faith, plagued with evil spirits and/or under the influence of the Devil.

Level 3 Christian: This person needs an exorcism to remove an evil spirit or the Devils influence.

Level 4 Christian: This person is evil and a witch or warlock and needs burning at the stake.

Starting my new religion!

Can people inquiring about my new religion hold off until I’ve written the foundations of my new religion? #Thanksguys Please pray for my well being and accuracy during this initial process, which may take years despite the existential urgency. I suggest in the meantime, educate yourself on how you can take part in swaying opinions on the climate change issue.

According to Noam Chomsky, there are two large existential threats facing the future of civilization; Climate change and the use of Nuclear Weapons.

If you are interested in doing something about these issues I want you to know you do have power and you can do something collectively. Become part of the resistance.

To those who deny climate change i.e Crooks who don’t give a fuck about anyone but themselves and Christians with their devil on their shoulder (Leadership) telling them they don’t have to worry because Jesus is coming soon, revelations will be for-filled and fuck the world, life and future humans. Not that they would say fuck. They would help destroy the planet by being subservient, but they wouldn’t say fuck.

#Jesuswasarebel
#resist
#care.

Barry’s Cheese

Barry walked into the church and straight up to the preacher’s perch.

Barry got down on his knees and prayed to God for some cheese.

Please God please, give me some cheese.

Please God please I’m on my knees.

God sent down his little toe, it said to Barry, “no, no, no”.

You will have no cheese just now if you want cheese, you need a cow.

“Ah,” said Barry, “A cow I need.”, and once again Barry did plead.

“Please God please send me a cow, send it fast, send it right now”.

So God sent down another toe, it said to Barry “Don’t you know?”

“If you feel you need a cow, you need some seed and a plow”.

Barry got back on his knees, looked up at God and started to plead.

“Why do I need seed and plow, when you just said I need a cow”.

God sent down another toe, which said, “This might come as a blow,

but to keep a cow it needs to eat and crops are what brings milk to teat”.

Barry got up off his knees and said to God without a please,

“I want my cheese and I want it now, you know where you can stick that bloody plow.

Why God do you bring me such pain, you know full well there’s been no rain.

We’re in a drought. I’ll reap no crop. You’ve sent no rain, not one stinkin’ drop.”

So God came down with cheese in toe. Scraped it off and said, “LET IT BE SO”.

I’ll give you what you asked precisely, but if had of just asked me nicely.

You might have got your rain as well.

Have your toe cheese, enjoy the smell.

I hope you’ll learn your lesson well”.