#all

Welcome to #Log.

Log in, favourite some tags, and follow me on my writing journey.

All my writing is here in one place, long and short; please look around and find your thing.

Sneak preview of my entry for this year's (2026) One Eye Film Festival.

Ned: Doc, I've got real bad pain in my back.

Dr: Need a bit of Oxy just to take the edge off, hey mate?

Ned: Well, I'm looking for you guys to fix my back, but something to give me a bit of relief.

Dr: Yeah, Neurofin won't send you to your better place, hey, got to scratch that itch.

Ned: Neurofin and Panadol only do so much; I want to see if you can actually fix the problem.

Dr: Well, a bit of G-Whiz is not a permanent solution, buddy, and I'm not your dealer.

Ned: Look, I don't appreciate the way you're treating me; this is a serious issue.

Dr: We don't facilitate junkies around here, fella; you're gonna have to get your fix somewhere else.

Ned: Is surgery an option?

Dr: Not for junkies like you; you'll have to settle for Meth or something you can get on the streets.

Ned: Well, can you at least X-ray my back and see what the problem is?

Dr: You junkies are all the same. What have you got in your pockets? You didn't steal one of our pens, did you, vermin like you need locking up!

Ned: I'm in pain, help me!

Dr: Listen, mate, if you meet me round the back in fifteen minutes, we might be able to help each other, but you'll have to get on your knees, if you know what I mean.

Ned: Doc, I have a wife and go to church. I don't know who you think I am, but I just want help.

Dr: You scratch my itch, and I'll scratch yours.

Ned: Can I talk to your supervisor?

Dr: Just kidding, pal. I'll write you a script for something that will ease the pain, and we'll pop you in to get an X-ray and see what the problem is.

Ned: Thank you.

All I want to do is help.

Get people back on the straight and narrow. Get them seeing life through my eyes. The right way to be.

I’m surprised I don’t have more followers on TikTok. Maybe it’s my teeth or my receding hairline.

I know I speak truth. I’ve read over five books, and I know the secrets of the ancient ones. I am the spirit guide of our age.

Fuck, I’m hungry.

No one listens. No one wants to take my course.

Everyone wants to stay blind.

I could go a cheese and bacon pie right now.

Knock, knock jokes

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Chicken.
Chicken who?
Would you prefer the pork?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Fartarse.
Fartarse who?
You know your old mate Fartarse from Fartarse and Luke’s Vegetables and Tinned Meats.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Jack.
Jack who?
Jack me off behind the bushes.

Crusty the Clown
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Hey, hey, hey, hey, I’m Crusty the Clown.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, I’m Crusty the Clown who?
Eat my shorts, aka Prime Bart. Doh!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Chicken.
Chicken who?
Buggurk.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Moo.
Moo who?
Hh, I’m actually a cow.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Shit my pants.
Shit my pants who?
I shit my pants. Can I put my undies in your bin?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Brains.
Brains who?
Oh, none here. No worries.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Show me.
Show me who?
Show me your tits.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Mullemburg.
Mullemburg who?
Mahoni, I’d like to speak to you about car insurance and how much you can save with Youi.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Humpty.
Humpty who?
Can you get me down from here?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Me.
Me who?
You know who. Please open the door, Jenny. I’m a changed man.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Garry, your neighbour.
Garry who?
Can I use your bin?

I thought you had to have, like, Army SEAL willpower to build a habit. Turns out, you’ve just got to keep doing the same thing over and over until it becomes automatic. You just have to simplify your life and just focus on repeating your habits. It’s not easy; you have to give up the delusion that one day you might become an astronaut. You have to give up on all your potential futures and sacrifice them for one or two things, then do them every day repetitively until they become a habit. You don’t need to do more to have good habits; you need to do less. Figure out what’s important and only do that. Keep it simple, and give up on the delusion that you might be an astronaut one day.