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Authenticity/Individuation
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Authentic self - Personal growth through individuation
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Authenticity is who you are when you can be yourself. Just like the phrase dance like noone is watching, being authentic is living like noone is watching. It is who you are when you feel you are not under observation. Or, if you have managed to excel at being authentic, you might manage to do this when people are watching.
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Authenticity is who you truly are without worrying about other people’s beliefs or values. In fact it is living within your own beliefs and values. If I am authentic I don’t have to pretend, I don’t have to hide. Being authentic is a challenge to be as well as being really easy, as it is in fact who you are.
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Authenticity is doing what you think is right and not doing what you think is wrong. But it is also utilising your wisdom, as well as doing what you want.
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Being authentic, like vulnerability, can be contagious. When one person is truly themselves, this often lends itself for other people speaking the truth in their own lives through their actions.
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Being authentic seems to have a cost. What if I am myself and noone likes me? In the words of Dr Seuss, “those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind”. Furthermore, the more that someone is themselves, the more attractive this seems to make them. Their authenticity also helps trust develop, as the falsity is stripped away. People in response to an authentic person, know for example if they really do mean “yes” when they say it and “no” when they say that too.
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It’s not so much that we have to strive to be our authentic self, as it is always there. It is more relevant to say however, to strive to not be your false self. It is the false self that muddies and cover over the true authentic self that is naturally awaiting underneath. False selves come out when there is inadequacy, a lack of confidence, unhealthy thinking styles or maladaptive coping strategies. People are their false selves because on one level it seems to work for them when they are being false. Yet there are many levels where it doesn’t work.
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“Fake it til you make it” is common advice for someone who is struggling with not being ready for who they are supposed to or “should” be. But what would happen if the person practiced radical honesty and instead told of their shortcomings, yet focussed with determination on where they wanted to be? Would the person be more accepted or less accepted by their employer? This is the question that is subconsciously asked inside the employee and their answer to this question dictates their actions.
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Being authentic doesn’t equate to being perfect. This is because no-one is perfect. But instead it is the realisation that no-one is perfect, so let’s stop pretending to be. Being authentic is stopping pretending to be perfect. It is not covering up with excuses or pretense. Instead it is solidly standing with apologies ready for things the person is sorry for and being unapologetic for being themselves.
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Being authentic values that everyone is different. It stops comparing individuals with other individuals. Because at the end of the day it is people’s unique individuality that makes them special and helpful for the group.
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Benefits of being authentic
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Being authentic allows you to feel happier in yourself while pursing the life you have chosen fo yourself. Living a life true to yourself will bring more happiness than if you only ever did what you felt was expected of you. It allows you to grow in the direction of your choosing, where you can bring true meaning to your life. You'll have better relationships as people will be drawn to your genuineness. Being authentic allows you to achieve real personal growth without being weighed down by what others expect from you
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What it means to be authentic
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To be authentic is to be a reliable narrator of your own story. Someone who is not constantly trying `to sell their 'ideal self' to the world, but to show their humaness' Their limitations and vulnerability along with their strength and potential. They are real. They don't see the world through rose coloured glasses, or have a cynical fatal view of themselves and the world. They allow themselves to grow in the direction they create and become individuated and unique. They accept themselves and their own folly and accept those around them with trying to fit everyone into the box they chose for themselves. They are less worried about what people think. Have realistic expectations of the future, and care more about liking themselves that others liking them. They care for others, but don't let others dictate how they spend their time or what direction they choose.
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Why we struggle to be our authentic selves
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We can struggle being authentic because we don't have the confidence to be ourselves and have limiting beliefs about our capabilities. We are evolutionarily wired to follow the heard. It takes confidence and personal strength to assert ourselves and who we are, to not be assamed if our beliefs don't align with the group. WE want to please our parents, our friends and we want to adhere to societal norms in order to be accepted and lovedand values We want to be good and see ourselves as good and we often use the frameworks we were given to decide on what that means, even if our action don't line up. If we have low self esteem or have a poor self-image we can find ourselves following the heard, and being incongruant
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Authenticity of self - true to yourself
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If you discover your own authentic self , authenticity to other will follow
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authenticity of self means being grounded in your own truth, to not deluding yourself or getting swallowed up by the big "I". Is is an achievement of personal growth, of knowing yourself and having a more accurate picture of the world as you progress. Authenticity of self is guided by your own individualism, to carve out a life you see fit, It is a journey of self awareness, and discovery. Free to follow you passion
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Authenticity to other - true to others
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relationships
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people can smell bullshit
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alternative
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collectivism
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Inauthenticism
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we are social animals
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lying, cheating, dishonesty, deceit
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chameleon
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unreliable
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putting the I in everything
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delusional
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unreliable narrator
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people pleaser
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living for other people
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whats normal
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Traps of trying to become more authentic
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different for differences sake
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Dual mindedness
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Unreliable Narrater
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At war
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Rude and unlikable
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Justified bad behaviour
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thinking its going to happen overnight
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too differenciated
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no compromise
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thinking your more than human
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Becoming a knowall - agnosticism
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- Secret lives & Compartmentalisation
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hipocrytal, inauthentic
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Peter scarezro's knowledge of the indivuated
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THe process
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anxiety
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doubt
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slip ups
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How people will react
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How to become more authentic
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Step 1 Tell the truth
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Step 2 Be realistic- humble, - aware of limitations
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objective reality, be brutuly honest with yourself
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Step 2 Recognisw your humanity
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Step 2 Accept Yourself
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Step 3 Accept struggle and responsibility
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Step 3: Reflective thinking
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reflective Self-awareness - observing mind
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Two Minds- Thinking Mind and Observing Mind
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Thinking about thinking
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Step 3 Self Validation
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Step 4 stop selling yourself
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Step 4 Incorporate Shadow
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Judging others
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- Being too good
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Step 4 Commitment to defining your own values & beliefs, behaviours/actions
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Whats optimal, creates a schism, highest values, fuzzy logic
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- change over time
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honest, not whats right , whats right for you
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personal values, optimal values
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Step 5 Align Values, Words, Actions
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Let go of the image of yourself
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Step 6 Assert yourself
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Step 7 Go live, find meaning, go your own way
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Step 7 Keep growing, learning and refining
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Practices
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Strengths
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Weaknesses
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/Flaws
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Personal Values
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Interests
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Mindfulness
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Definition of being authentic:
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An authentic person can be themself. As one can dance like no-one is watching, one can live like no-one is watching. It can be easier for a person to be their authentic self when they are not under observation. Yet someone living their authentic life will manage to live in tune with this reality even when people are watching. A person who is authentic is a reliable narrator of their story. This narration allows for imperfections, vulnerability and aligns with the definition of being human. An authentic person will in turn appreciate their limitations, rather than trying to promote their ideal self to those around them. Being genuine and real correlate with authenticity. They are not cynical or unduly optimistic about themselves, but they have realistic expectations. Rather than being worried about others' opinions of them, they practice self care by choosing to like themselves. This is not to say that they don’t care for others. People who practice authenticity tend to treat others well too. What it does mean is that they are empowered to decide how they choose to live. They discern their direction, as opposed to giving others that position of responsibility in their life. Having their own compass to direct themselves, they create, grow and become individuated. This differentiation contributes to the unique and special person that the individual is as per definition of an individual. Having said this, they are not blind to their folly. They accept that within themselves, and provide grace to those around them allowing others’ journeys to eventuate. Alongside this a growth mindset ensues, inviting strength and potential.
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Benefits of being authentic:
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A result of pursuing their own life, an authentic person will feel more content within themself.
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By being true to themself, the authentic person will be confident, not be crushed by external expectations.
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Allowing the individual to direct their life, their own true life meaning will follow.
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The genuine character of the authentic person will draw others to relate well with them, enhancing relationships.
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The development of interpersonal trust, as falsity is stripped away. If an authentic person says yes or agrees, others can trust this within the conversation, likewise a no or disagreement is often met with respect for that truth.
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Great gains are achievable in terms of personal growth.
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Barriers to being authentic:
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Lack of self confidence, whose beliefs limit their capabilities.
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Low self esteem or poor self image often proceeds to upholding others opinions as more important.
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Shame for not following the widely held opinion in their circle.
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Following the unhelpful thought that to be accepted and loved by those nearest there is a need to please through following societal norms and values.
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The fascination of being good, being seen as good or seeing themselves as good, allows learnt frameworks to dictate what goodness is. This can even happen without actions being congruent.
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The people-pleasing mentality and fear of rejection if the true self is exposed.
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Signs of being inauthentic:
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People who are not authentic will lie, cheat and practice deceit. This is because of learnt behaviours and maladaptive coping strategies. The inauthentic person misappropriates the truth believing that this will help them get ahead.
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An inauthentic person will blend like a chameleon, bringing others’ values and beliefs to the fore blending with their false selves.
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There is also a potential of being unreliable due to the individual being led by others compass and so not following through as it does not intrinsically align with their own ways of being.
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An inauthentic person will put the “i” in everything. Their ego will be precious to them and it will be soul crushing when this is not widely respected.
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One who is inauthentic can be delusional because often they end up reprogramming their own belief system, confusing themselves as to who they even are, questioning their own identity.
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They are an unreliable narrator to their won lives.
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It is likely that they will either be a people-pleaser and/or live for other people, suppressing their own wants and desires.
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By practicing this inauthenticity on a regular basis, it becomes the status quo normality for the person, not knowing any different.
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Traps when starting on the journey of authenticity:
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In confusion a person can be contrary and different for the sake of attempting to be different to the norm.
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Dual mindedness can occur when leaning back on old habits when trying to uncover the new and natural habits of authentic self.
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Being an unreliable narrator whereby the person cannot honestly reflect and internally explain the stories that have made them the person they are today or that they cannot accurately explain the situations reflected where others are involved.
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An internal war can originate whereby the instant negatives seem to outweigh the longer lasting benefits of being authentic, so the person has fights between their authentic self and false self.
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A person can fall into the trap of believing that it is justifiable to be rude, unlikeable or even promote bad behaviour, inaccurately believing that this is the only way to interact on a level of genuine truth telling.
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Believing that the authentic self will emerge overnight.
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Becoming so differentiated from others that the person is not willing to engage with others opinions or allow others to challenge their own beliefs.
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Placing themselves in a position of no compromise.
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Having a perfectionistic outlook toward becoming authentic and believing that they are more than human.
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Feeling like they have become supremely aware of everything and not reflecting on their own limitations and imperfections.
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A feeling of superiority and thereby a potential for hypocrisy.
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In the effort to become authentic, the person can feel worried about being exposed and rather hide into a secret life. This can involve compartmentalisation whereby a person shows one personality or character to some and another to others.