Log-000000064-27/09/2026-Ricky-Browne
I’ve been hiding. Producing, yes, but hiding.
A month ago, I realised I was putting out work without a clear throughline or much of an audience. I was banging out content and hiding away. If I want to help people walking paths like mine, I can’t keep hiding behind the screen.
At 2am, I sat down at my desk in a mild panic. I’ve never thought of imposter syndrome as something that affected me, but I’m not sure what else to call it. The fear is that I’m not enough. After all these years, I might still be half-baked, or worse, overcooked. Maybe all this growth will only help me, not the people I hope to help.
A few days ago, I told my wife I was a little bit of a loser. Then I asked, “Am I a loser?” She said, “A little bit.” It hit harder than it should have. I’m unemployable, bring in little money, I’m fat and lazy, and I don’t get on with people outside those I love. Ding ding ding: we have a winner loser.
It hits harder when it comes from your wife.
I’m turning 50 next April. I’m a content creator with very few people interested in my unpolished drivel. Still, I’m an eternal optimist. I keep thinking I can improve and find a way. Being underestimated has always been one of my strengths.
Underestimate what? I’ll let you decide.
After four months of coding, I’m glad I switched to content creation. The test is whether I can stick at it long enough to get traction. I get bored, change direction, and start over. I’ve thought about pulling the pin, but thinking about it and doing it are different kettles of fish.
I’ve narrowed things down to my business, my personal brand, and humour as a secondary thing. I’m keeping the ideas behind Be a BOB under my personal brand, and moving my songs and stories channel under humour. I’m not niching down. You get the whole package: some of it might attract you; some might turn you off.
My writing has been going well because video is what I’m overthinking. I want to make more videos, not one perfect video a week. I’m unpolished, I ramble, and I don’t use an autocue.
The videos aren’t up to modern internet standards, but I’ll keep experimenting until I find a way to deliver my best self. I don’t want to learn every skill. I want to find my strengths and use them.
I kept saying I’d shoot video, then finding reasons not to. So I decided it could be rough. It didn’t have to be polished. Dead air was fine. Nobody would be watching anyway.
I finally livestreamed. Then I did it again the next day. I just wanted to push through the fear and get it done. Now it’s done, I feel liberated, and I like the process: shoot live, download it, and edit it into clips.
It was a big hurdle for me, even if people livestream all the time. I’m trying to stop hiding and keep going.
Getting bored and changing tracks could derail me. So could giving up if traction takes too long. Time will be my judge. My track record isn’t great, but I’m going to try to stick with it.
Wish me luck.
Cheers,
Ricky
A month ago, I realised I was putting out work without a clear throughline or much of an audience. I was banging out content and hiding away. If I want to help people walking paths like mine, I can’t keep hiding behind the screen.
At 2am, I sat down at my desk in a mild panic. I’ve never thought of imposter syndrome as something that affected me, but I’m not sure what else to call it. The fear is that I’m not enough. After all these years, I might still be half-baked, or worse, overcooked. Maybe all this growth will only help me, not the people I hope to help.
A few days ago, I told my wife I was a little bit of a loser. Then I asked, “Am I a loser?” She said, “A little bit.” It hit harder than it should have. I’m unemployable, bring in little money, I’m fat and lazy, and I don’t get on with people outside those I love. Ding ding ding: we have a winner loser.
It hits harder when it comes from your wife.
I’m turning 50 next April. I’m a content creator with very few people interested in my unpolished drivel. Still, I’m an eternal optimist. I keep thinking I can improve and find a way. Being underestimated has always been one of my strengths.
Underestimate what? I’ll let you decide.
After four months of coding, I’m glad I switched to content creation. The test is whether I can stick at it long enough to get traction. I get bored, change direction, and start over. I’ve thought about pulling the pin, but thinking about it and doing it are different kettles of fish.
I’ve narrowed things down to my business, my personal brand, and humour as a secondary thing. I’m keeping the ideas behind Be a BOB under my personal brand, and moving my songs and stories channel under humour. I’m not niching down. You get the whole package: some of it might attract you; some might turn you off.
My writing has been going well because video is what I’m overthinking. I want to make more videos, not one perfect video a week. I’m unpolished, I ramble, and I don’t use an autocue.
The videos aren’t up to modern internet standards, but I’ll keep experimenting until I find a way to deliver my best self. I don’t want to learn every skill. I want to find my strengths and use them.
I kept saying I’d shoot video, then finding reasons not to. So I decided it could be rough. It didn’t have to be polished. Dead air was fine. Nobody would be watching anyway.
I finally livestreamed. Then I did it again the next day. I just wanted to push through the fear and get it done. Now it’s done, I feel liberated, and I like the process: shoot live, download it, and edit it into clips.
It was a big hurdle for me, even if people livestream all the time. I’m trying to stop hiding and keep going.
Getting bored and changing tracks could derail me. So could giving up if traction takes too long. Time will be my judge. My track record isn’t great, but I’m going to try to stick with it.
Wish me luck.
Cheers,
Ricky