Public Creative Journal

I'm all seized up at the moment and can't do much; the resistance is too great. I don't know what my specific problem is, but I bet it's got something to do with Venus being in retrograde.

If I read as much as I write, I might even be good at this by now.

I wrote this the other day:

I don't know what to do with myself; it's my same old problem.

I feel limited in what I can do, but I also have too many things I want to achieve within that narrow scope, and I'm not sure those things are even worthwhile.

I suck at video, but don't want to give up on ideas and ongoing projects. I'm not great at writing but feel I should limit myself to just that.

I have a heap of unfinished books and writing but continually want to write new stuff.

I need to put constraints and limitations on myself.

Since then I've changed things up, realised my limitations, doubled down on what I do best, applied necessary constraints to myself, and given up on a few more dreams.

Kicking goals!

I get possessed by what I do, get tunnel vision, and think of nothing else; my current focus is this website.

If people knew the full functionality of rickybrowne.com. I'd win a Nobel Prize.

My laptop has shit itself. I have to keep it running, or I have to go through a heap of rigamarol to get it started again. I thought I'd fixed it before bed, but when I woke up at two am it wouldn't turn on; I finally figured out I had to spin around three times while holding my nose. Point being that it's a good excuse to buy a Chromebook and a new phone for some reason. I've set my Windows laptop to enviro mode and plan on keeping it running, so now it's an office computer, not an everywhere computer. You'll be happy to know we are installing a solar battery, so don't freak out.

I went from spending thirty a month on ChatGPT/Codex to $100 this month. I'm out of credit for the week; it kicks in on the 10th (in two days). Using it all on the website you're using now. Making it smick!

On a whim, I built a new website to hold all my writing, behold, this is it.

https://rickybrowne.com

I remember when I needed to be drunk to get the juices flowing and actually put words on the page; that's no longer the case.

I will never make it because I don't have a clear vision; I'm just fumbling about, playing with words.