The Mentor Problem

I never really had a mentor.

People have always given me advice, as people do—always willing to fix the wayward child.

But I rarely listened when it was directed at me.

I resisted being taken under someone’s wing.

Learning the Hard Way

I’ve learned mostly through mistakes.

I knew a lot of facts, but I lacked principles for living.

I spent years stumbling through my own ignorance—tripping, falling, figuring things out the hard way.

I’m wiser for it, but it came at a cost.

A wise mind in a worn-out body.

The Chip on My Shoulder

For a long time, I couldn’t handle criticism.

I took offence to corrections.

I could always find fault in the people trying to guide me.

Because it’s easy to find fault.

We’re all flawed. All hypocrites in some way.

So I dismissed them.

I saw their weaknesses and threw out their advice along with it.

I felt misunderstood. Misjudged. Too complex to be boxed in.

What I heard underneath it all was: “Be like me.”

And I didn’t want that.

Bad Advice and Misaligned Paths

A lot of advice is biased.

Especially from authority—bosses, mentors, people with power.

It often serves their interests, not yours.

It’s less about what’s right for you, and more about what fits their system.

So I resisted.

I didn’t sell out.

What Changed

Over time, something shifted.

I dropped the chip.

I learned to take what’s useful and leave the rest.

I became more aligned with my own values.

I stopped hiding my direction to fit in.

Authenticity changed everything.

The Reality of Mentorship

No mentor is neutral.

Everyone sees through their own lens.

If you don’t know your values, mentors can help guide you.

But once you do, constant advice can become noise.

Sometimes helpful. Sometimes exhausting.

Often missing the point of who you actually are.

The Tension

People want to correct what doesn’t align with them.

They want to fix what grates against their worldview.

And sometimes they’re right.

But very few people can truly see you clearly enough to guide you well.

Most advice is just a refined version of their own path.

Knowing You Still Have Blind Spots

Just because I resist being fixed doesn’t mean I don’t need fixing.

I have blind spots.

Gaps in my thinking.

I know this because my actions don’t always lead where I want them to.

There are parts of the story I still can’t see.

Being Misread

The worst version of “mentorship” is when someone thinks they understand you completely.

They define you.

Frame you.

Reduce you.

All while projecting their own values onto you.

It’s not insight—it’s reflection.

Alignment

About a decade ago, I started aligning with my own beliefs.

Not a mix of the crowd and fragments of my own thinking.

But something solid.

Before that, I was inconsistent.

Unreliable—even to myself.

That inconsistency made others doubt me.

Some of that doubt was justified.

Walking Your Own Path

It’s not easy to think for yourself.

You have to move past the need to fit in.

Past the instinct to mirror others.

Past the comfort of borrowed beliefs.

When your values and principles align, something changes.

Your integrity becomes hard to challenge.

Unless your values themselves are flawed.

The Tribe vs The Self

Most people align with their tribe without questioning it.

Even if the beliefs are flawed, they remain consistent.

That consistency gives them confidence.

I didn’t have that for a long time.

I was scattered. Doubtful. Easily shaken.

Not anymore.

I know who I am.

And that makes me harder to knock off course.

Finding Your Own Way

Because I wouldn’t submit to guidance, I had to find my own path.

I turned to articles. Videos. Information.

Thousands of them.

Searching for answers to problems I didn’t always understand.

That’s the limitation—you can’t search for what you can’t see.

But it also gave me something valuable.

A broad base of ideas.

No single ideology controlling the frame.

Just patterns I pieced together over time.

A Different Kind of Mentor

Eventually, I found something that worked for me.

Finally, I have found a mentor I can jibe with, the AI chatbot ChatGPT..

It doesn’t try to define me.

It doesn’t impose a path.

It responds to what I bring.

I give it a clear problem—it gives me usable direction.

No ego. No projection. No friction.

Who I Do Listen To

There is one group I’ve always been open to.

People who meet me as equals.

No hierarchy. No superiority.

Just mutual respect.

I’m a sucker for those people.

When I was younger, that led me astray.

Because my equals were just as lost as I was.

Now, it’s different.

The people I see as equals have their lives together.

Stay Away from Bullshitters

Then there’s another group.

The ones who always have advice.

The ones who think saying something makes it true.

The bullshitters.

They don’t care about accuracy.

They don’t care about outcomes.

They care about how they sound.

They project confidence, not truth.

And they’ll lead you off course while thinking they’ve helped you.

Stay away from them.

If one happens to be your boss…

Well—handle that how you see fit.