Ladies and gentlemen, let us celebrate 2021 What a year! Am I right people. I said am I right. Pandemics aside, I think it was pretty good. We didn't have to see people. That's a bonus. We got to feel less guilty about neglecting our elderly parents. Can I get a hell yeah? What about the poor people that had to work during this period? A moments silence to the people in jobs considered essential. All right that'll do, if we are silent to long it will sound patronising. Thinking back over the last year I managed to have a bit of a thought. All those people stuck at home without the distraction of friends. A lot of people would have had plenty of time to think about their lives and maybe make some changes. As for me, I've learned that people really aren't that important. When you consider we have home delivery, Netflix and Pirate Bay. Who needs friends really. I'm a changed man. I was needy before, trying to always please people. Fucking people. What have they ever done for me. What about you lot, has the pandemic given you time to reflect on whats important and what you really want out of life? Or were you too busy home schooling the kids. I mean what a fucking joke. Am I right. I got the jab. I mean if it is a global conspiracy, it's not a very good one. Poisoning the populus including all the smart, trusting people, while sparing all the dumb ass conspiracy nuts who were smart enough to know the needle will actually kill you at some point. I wonder how long I've got? Three days, Three years. What about the freedom fighters that would not wear a mask, true patriots. Some people see these people as selfish misinformed arseholes. But those people would be wrong. These people have information us normal folks steer clear of. They know what's really going on. And besides, you pretty much have to be gay to wear a mask. Next thing they'll be expecting us to wear seat belts. Another gay leftist agenda. We have to start listening to all the intelligent, informed, free thinkers on the right. Sure they didn't do well at school, but they could if they really tried. It's just they weren't interested in showing off and put their time into more wholesome activities, like eating dirt and wondering why every time they looked up at the sun, their eyes would hurt. What about Prime Minister Morrison? He has been a rock to us Australians during the pandemic. A true visionary of a time long past, where we would kill our food by throwing rocks at it. Say what you like about some progressive Prime Minister who would boldly lead us into the future, For me personally. Give me a guy who things Jesus is returning soon and the world will burn as he reaps his vegence. The guy is an expert at marketing spin, off all the things I thought australia needed in a prime minister, right up the top was good old fashioned honest and godly salesmanship and spin-doctoring. We all should be proud, and those who aren't should be treated like we treat black people. Don't get me started on them. Let us hold hands and pray to the one true christian God. Dear lord, Thank you for the bounty of spoils you provide us May you forgive poor people for being lazy May our governments recognise these people aren't helped by giving them a living wage God please show the world that smart people are dumb And that women were built to serve us men May our harvests be plenty and put in the right hands Thank you that you made earth in seven days, and evolution is a lie All mighty we love you more than our own children And we know exactly who you are and what you want from us because you wrote it all down in the one true book. Everything is true in it. Everything! Amen. #speech #funny #works Published 10-2-2026 Written on https://freewriter.app