Some time in January I'm a little excited to write now I'm at the keyboard, which is surprising because I've had a lot of resistance and psychic entropy about what I should be doing with my time and what to focus on. I'm hoping some time spent writing will re-align my chakras and get me back into life. Yesterday I decided that maybe I should set aside my TUF Project and Level Up At Life both about my philosophy on life and society, until I'm settled in my new house and past the moving process and the getting of two houses in order. One to live in, the other to rent out. I'm a little depressed and lacking hope at the moment and probably a little burnt out from the move and unhappy there is still plenty to do. If I got stuck in and just did a week of big days I would be passed it. Once we got the bulk of the stuff across, I slowed down and now am just doing bits and pieces every day while watching media and feeling overwhelmed, today might be a turning point. I'm also very easily annoyed at present and quieter than usual with not too much to say. The world is a shit show when I go online, I try to not let it affect me, but it is clear the morons have the loudest voices and there's a shitload of opportunists in high positions in the Western world thanks to those morons. I've haven't got much to go with finishing the draft of the book, 'The Embodiment of Love', but it's slow going and a slog, the last 2% percent is a pain, because I'm not into it, I'm doing pitiful amounts which extends the whole thing. I was smashing it when my heart and mind were into it. I've just got an overly negatory attitude ATM, but will snap out of it at some stage. Coming off of Uncle Charlie's funeral I felt connected and a belonging, now I just feel isolated. The people I associate all have their faults - being human and all - and am more focused on that than the good stuff, I've left my men's group because a few of them have far too much to say and I wasn't jelling, and getting annoyed at the level of conversation. I It's all mental, but I'm glad I left despite the benefits of that extra connection. I guess there is a great fear in me that I'm just pissing in the wind with my work and not up to the task of creating something useful. The only difference between me being mad and me living out my perceived fate is the results, and when I'm not working on those results, doubt and resistance kick in and that extra time is spent wondering whether what I feel I have inside me is just a mirage. Especially when I'm not in that deep thought process of having my ideas come out of me and the warm glow and assurance I am left with that I'm not just mad and I do have something. But also the overwhelming feeling that I won't be able to piece it all together into a useful framework and dreading all the work it will take to do so. This leaves me wanting to piss about instead, so I'll put it to bed for now, just to put my mind at ease while I get the pressing task of getting my life and house in order. #reflections Published 10-1-2024 Written on https://freewriter.app