When I was in the grips of mental illness between 2002 and 2012, I was sustained and driven by trains of thought where I was thinking about the world and societal issues and how to overcome them. A lot of it was aberrant thinking that I overcame after that period through increased awareness and knowledge of the self and of the world. But during those ten years, I was always left feeling sad and upset once the trains of thought had left my mind uncaptured, all I was left with was the afterglow of the high of thinking what I assumed were original thoughts. If you are a schizophrenic or a thinker, ideas can be quite intoxicating, so I’d get high on these ideas which would go into the ether and I’d be left wondering whether I would ever pin them down and capture them. In this intoxicated state of rapid thoughts and delusions of grandeur, I was seized up and not able to write. I couldn’t focus enough to leave my mind running while also writing the thoughts down without having my trains of thought derailed. Wondering later whether all my thinking was just delusional nonsense that didn’t add up to much or a rich tapestry of ideas that made up my own unique ideology of the world. That’s why I was so happy when the other day I sat down on my new Freewrite drafting device and captured one of those trains of thought in a coherent manner, it wasn’t perfect because it was disordered, but deep down I know that if I took a heap of these chunks of mindstream I’d be able to stitch them together into a larger more high resolution picture of what I’m trying to put out into the world. It was a breakthrough that took twenty years. I had to become more logical, I had to learn more about the world and ourselves, and I had to practice my writing skills to the point where now I can sit at the keyboard and write the big, hard, scary things without the resistance to doing so disabling me. This is one reason why I’m putting some other less meaningful projects aside to finally focus on the important stuff of writing down my vision and philosophy. #reflections #creation #mind Published 6-9-2025 Written on https://freewriter.app