Mostly Funny Lists

Log-000010837-13/10/2026-Ricky-Browne

Things to say after taking a shit

I don't remember eating that.
I swear I hadn't eaten any corn lately.
I just lost my pancreas.
One lump or two?
Time for a reno!
We need to get new identities and move to Brazil.
Somebody go clean that up!
Call Dr Ryan; it's happened again.
That toilet was hungry.
That's a lot of poop for a regularly sized person.
Smells like someone took a dump on my dump, but it's just one load.
Package delivered; do you want to sign for it?
Okay, we're shutting the whole place down.
Cordon off the area; it's now a crime scene.
Someone set a thirty-minute timer.
That one was half-cooked.
Evacuate the area; I just evacuated my bowels. It's a code nine emergency!
Does anyone wanna come take a look at this?

Log-000010836-13/10/2026-Ricky-Browne

Knock, knock jokes

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Chicken.
Chicken who?
Would you prefer the pork?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Fartarse.
Fartarse who?
You know your old mate Fartarse from Fartarse and Luke’s Vegetables and Tinned Meats.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Jack.
Jack who?
Jack me off behind the bushes.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Crusty the Clown who?
Hey, hey, hey, hey, I’m Crusty the Clown.
Eat my shorts, aka Prime Bart. Doh!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Chicken.
Chicken who?
Buggurk.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Moo.
Moo who?
Hh, I’m actually a cow.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Shit my pants.
Shit my pants who?
I shit my pants. Can I put my undies in your bin?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Brains.
Brains who?
Oh, none here. No worries.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Show me.
Show me who?
Show me your tits.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Mullemburg.
Mullemburg who?
Mahoni, I’d like to speak to you about car insurance and how much you can save with Youi.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Humpty.
Humpty who?
Can you get me down from here?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Me.
Me who?
You know who. Please open the door, Jenny. I’m a changed man.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Garry, your neighbour.
Garry who?
Can I use your bin?

Log-000010835-13/10/2026-Ricky-Browne

Things to say after farting

Who's been smoking?
Where would you put that on the smellometer?
I eat my veggies.
Decompression 32 per cent complete.
Some fruity notes.
Who said that?
Someone put the dog outside.
That s got a tinge of bergamot.
Fifty PSI was way to much.
Is something burning?
What's that smell?
That's high up on the stinkometer.
That's a spicy ancelada no tomata hold the pasta meatball.
We have a stage nine imminent threat to the safety of small children, animals and old people.
What flavour would you call that?